"A man who could not marry off his ugly daughter visited Rabbi Shimmel of Cracow."My heart is heavy," he told the Rav, "because God has given me an ugly daughter."
"How ugly?" the Seer asked.
"If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference."
The Seer of Cracow thought for a longtime and finally asked, "What kind of herring?"
The man, taken aback by the query, thought quickly and said, "Er-Bismarck".
"Too bad," the Rabbi said. "If it was Maatjes, she'd have a better chance."
Woody Allen, Getting Even
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